Sleep & Relationships: Practical Tips to Help a Sleep Stealer

Yesterday we looked at some signs that you or your bed partner may be a sleep stealer. Today let’s discuss three ways to put an end to sleep stealing.

First, seek medical help for an ongoing sleep disorder. Meet with a board-certified sleep specialist at an AASM-accredited sleep center near you.

Many sleep disorders can be disruptive to your bed partner’s sleep. These include snoring, obstructive sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome and grinding teeth – also called bruxism.

Or you may have one of the disturbing sleep disorders that are classified as a type of parasomnia. If so, you can follow these ten tips for preventing parasomnias.

The need for medical help is most urgent if you suspect that you may have sleep apnea. It can increase your risk for other health problems such as heart disease and stroke.

Loud and erratic snoring is a key warning sign for sleep apnea. Another sign is when silent pauses during sleep are followed by gasping or choking sounds.

Second, you and your bed partner should both commit to “sleep for seven” – to get at least seven hours of sleep every night. Then practice the healthy habits of good sleep hygiene.

Third, you can take some practical steps to prevent sleep stealing. We asked sleep specialist Donna Arand, PhD, for some tips.

“Couples can purchase two twin mattresses and put them on a king frame and box spring so that body movements are not conducted to the sleeping partner,” she said. “It is also useful to have separate blankets or other top bed covers for each side of the bed to minimize disruption.”

Arand also recommends that couples keep the bedroom door ajar and use a dim night light in the bedroom or hallway. This will allow one of you to move quietly in and out of the room without disturbing the other. Arand also suggests using a “white noise” sound machine to drown out bothersome noises.

Have you found any useful ways to prevent sleep stealing?

Sleep & Relationships: Are You a Sleep Stealer in Bed?

For all of the procrastinating men out there, here’s a quick Valentine’s Day checklist. (You did know that today is Valentine’s Day, right?)

Chocolate. Flowers. More chocolate. Overly sentimental greeting card that somehow expresses “just how you feel.” Sleep.

Sleep? Sure – a good night’s sleep may be exactly what your valentine needs – especially if you’re a sleep stealer.

A sleep stealer? That’s right. Your sleep habits or behaviors may cause your loved one to lose sleep at night. You may even cause her to have environmental sleep disorder.

A 2004 study in the journal Sleep examined how sleep affects a marriage. It found that an individual’s sleep problems can have a negative impact on his or her spouse’s health and well-being.

A sociologist has even described the “Social Etiquette of Sleep.” He suggests that you can be an “inconsiderate or selfish” sleeper.

How do you know if you’re a sleep stealer? Here are seven signs. See if they describe you – or your bed partner. After all, both men and women can be a sleep thief.

Signs that you may be a sleep stealer include:

1. Snoring: You remain oblivious to the noise you’re making while you sleep. Your bed partner, on the other hand, is frustrated, annoyed and wide awake.
2. Sleep talking: Your conversations, laughter and other noises may amuse your bed partner at first. But eventually he or she may start wishing you would just be quiet.
3. Taking the covers: While you’re snug and cozy, your bed partner is left out in the cold.
4. Using bedtime for relationship building: At the moment when your bed partner is about to fall asleep, you say, “Can we talk?”
5. Being a night owl: While your bed partner is trying to fall sleep, you’re in bed watching TV, talking on the phone, doing paperwork or reading.
6. Preferring to be warm: Even though a cool room promotes good sleep, you insist on keeping the thermostat turned up all night.
7. Refusing to go to bed alone: When your bed partner tries to call it a night, you make him or her wait until you’re ready to go to bed.

So are you guilty of sleep stealing? Or are you in bed with a sleep thief? What other types of behavior do you think should qualify as sleep stealing?

Tomorrow we’ll look at some things you can do to help put an end to sleep stealing.

Bed Partners: Sleep Apnea, CPAP & Marriage

When obstructive sleep apnea invades the bedroom, no one sleeps well. A person who has severe sleep apnea may briefly wake up more than 30 times an hour. The loud snoring and gasping sounds also disturb the bed partner’s sleep.

The sleep problems can be a source of conflict in a marriage. Often the bed partner chooses to sleep in a separate room

The best treatment for sleep apnea is CPAP therapy. A new study shows that CPAP also may be good for a marriage. Results show that marital conflict decreases after three months of CPAP use.

An earlier study found that CPAP also improves the bed partner’s quality of life. Daytime sleepiness decreases. There are fewer role limitations due to physical problems. Social functioning and mental health improves.

A small study in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine in 2008 linked the marriage bed to CPAP. It found that wives may play an important role in their husband’s CPAP success.

Husbands were more likely to maintain regular CPAP use over five months when sharing the bed with their wife. These men used CPAP at least four hours per night 74 percent of the time.

In contrast, husbands used CPAP much less when their wife slept in a separate room. These men used CPAP at least four hours per night only 43 percent of the time.

Learn more about sleep apnea and bed partners here.

Happier Marriage, Better Sleep

A new study shows that marriage can affect your sleep – for better or worse. Results show that happily married women sleep better than women who are less satisfied with their marriage.

Women rated their “degree of happiness” with their marriage. They also provided information about any struggles they have with insomnia.

“We found that happily married women report fewer sleep disturbances,” lead author Wendy Troxel, PhD, told Reuters. This included difficulty falling asleep, nighttime awakenings, early morning awakenings and restless sleep.

The study involved a racially diverse sample of women. A Pitt news release reports that there were differences in sleep quality based on race.

Caucasian and African-American women had more sleep complaints. Japanese, Hispanic and Chinese women had fewer sleep complaints. Caucasian and Japanese women reported the highest marital happiness.

The study had controls for other factors that may affect sleep. These included depression, finances and employment. Marital happiness still emerged as an independent risk factor for sleep problems.

An earlier study of older couples also linked sleep problems and marital happiness. It found that having a spouse with sleep problems was related to having an “unhappy marriage.”

A Japanese study also linked being unmarried with poorer sleep quality.

Click here for more about women and sleep.